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The LGBT community needs to stop the counter-hate

November 27th, 2012 | 7 Comments

As a Christian, I am against same-sex marriage.

Why is it that by adhering to this Biblical standard I am viewed as hateful? Despite the fact that I am genuinely kind and considerate toward gay people, I am categorized as a hateful person by many.

My character speaks just the opposite, and I am a little fed up—for a lack of better words—with the counter-hate that Christians are forced to suffer from some members of the LGBT community. I often hear some gay students tsk-ing, performing exaggerated sighs and see them rolling their eyes at the bare mention of the word “God” or “Christian” or “pastor.” The rude looks and discourteous sound effects are the very things that they don’t want done to them. Here’s the truth of the matter: Agreeing with the stance that gay couples should not be allowed to enter a traditional marriage because it redefines the Biblical definition of marriage is not hate.

I believe that any form of discrimination based upon sexual orientation – whether by an average Joe or by the government—is unacceptable. I believe that gay people should be able to have the same rights and privileges as married couples as they pertain to insurance, taxes and other policies.

But I do not believe that it should be called a traditional marriage. I believe it should be called a civil union.

My reason is that marriage—in order to not disrespect or invalidate other beliefs—should not be redefined, but expanded. While it would not be recognized as a traditional marriage, a civil union would fall under the marriage umbrella in which gay couples would inherit the same rights and privileges. By doing this, everyone is satisfied.

With politics ruling the airwaves this year, the topic of gay marriage has stayed near the forefront of the media and daily conversations.

UMKC was ranked 5th on Newsweek’s Gay-Friendly College Rankings list, and I think that’s beautiful. I think that it shows that our university is loving and accepting of different lifestyles. I don’t think, however, that we would rank quite as high if it were a Christian-friendly list. I am not blind to the fact that not all Christians treat gay people nicely, and I apologize for every incident of discrimination that they have faced. But, I am curious to know why simply not agreeing on a stance is equated with hate. How is that fair?

I constantly find myself smiling and nodding as I mentally rehearse my words in order to ensure that I don’t offend anyone. Yet, I have witnessed and experienced more gay people—especially at UMKC—spitting out the rudest comments and most hurtful words about Christianity.

For example, when Chik-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy appeared on the Ken Coleman Show, he made it clear that he does not believe in gay marriage.

Well, of course he doesn’t. Chik-fil-A is a restaurant with Christian foundation and consequently, Biblical truths.

LGBT students were quick to discuss organizing a protest to have the Chick-fil-A in the Student Union removed from campus.

Why? Isn’t that hypocritical?

Even though neither the protest nor the removal of the restaurant ever took place, I find it very interesting that gay students and supporters of gay marriage were ready to obliterate a facility for upholding the standards of its foundation.

Not once did the CEO ever say anything mean-spirited, disrespectful or demeaning nor did he discriminate towards members of the gay community. Dan Cathy simply answered the question.

I guess Christians are expected to just sit by, count to three and take the abuse. No, not anymore. Ironically, some of the world’s most esteemed quotes are Bible verses. One of those is the golden rule: “Do to others as you would have them do to you,” can be found in Luke 6:31.  While I expect Christians to be nothing short of loving, kind and respectful toward homosexuals, I also expect homosexuals to treat Christians with the same regard they desire.

kforte@unews.com

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7 Responses to "The LGBT community needs to stop the counter-hate"

  1. JosephDeLuca says:
    November 30, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Short answer, Kharissa, is this: what you call a “Biblical standard” for “traditional marriage” isn’t a standard that thinking Christians adhere to. It’s really a matter how you and most of the hate-mongering crowd that operates under the umbrella of “christianity” in America prioritize Christ’s message. Jesus cared for the lunatic, the outcast, the least among us. He said we all have the kingdom of God within us. The typical love the person, hate the sin, rhetoric of the religious right is absurd. The fact that a few bible thumping preachers educated at some backwater midwester bible “college” think various Torah bits about seed spilling, or laying with a man, has any relevance to American constitutional law is preposterous. With this logic we should amend the constitution to allow genocide, heathen rape, plural marriage, and the washing of feet in heathen blood.

    In short, the only thing these fake christians love is the sound of their own ignorant voices bounces off the tacky walls of their various mega-mall churches.

    As for marriage, I have been traditionally married for nearly twenty years. I have three traditional children. We will not eat at Chik-fil-hate because the CEO is a weapons-grade asshole, and the food is wretched. This corporation has no place on our campus. It’s a “pox” on the face of God, as are his followers who lack the humility, the LOVE, to be like Jesus. Faith alone, Kharissa. There is no commandment to defend traditional marriage. There is no commandment to vote Republican. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t believe Jesus ever said a word about homosexuality.

  2. vcannady says:
    December 1, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    Kharissa, I am an avid supporter of civil rights. But we Christians are constantly being demonized for saying that we believe a marriage should be between a man and a woman. Because that is the only way to procreate without a scientist getting involved. Why is it that God is being removed from everything, but our children can be forced to watch Steve and Steve kissing in public. I too have received the disapproving looks from my Professors when I say I am person of faith in my ethics classes. I have been warned by my Graduate adviser that you cannot say anything about the LBGT community on campus.

    I too wonder if UMKC was considered a Christian school would we be rated the fifth best school to attend for diversity(LBGT Diversity). I have written a Yahoo! article about the marriage saga in Missouri- http://voices.yahoo.com/marriage-between-man-woman-missouri-11552140.html?cat=9.

    Why are we Christians demonized for having an ethical belief in life? In the African American culture we commonly frown on the Gay lifestyle. I am not discriminatory. I run a group call Disabled Students in Higher Education. Our group is inclusive. We have a gay disabled officer in our group. But since she came out to me she has not returned. I never said anything about her lifestyle. In fact I am quite sure she chose the lifestyle after being abused in the military. Hate by anyone is wrong. The problem I have is that members of UMKC’s LBGT community are flamboyant about their choice of lifestyle but I must be silent about mine. I cannot voice my support for man and woman being married without being called a “gay basher.” I never bash anyone for their choices.

    My mothers best friends have always been Gay, not that she was Gay. She was so flamboyant they just gravitated towards her. I on the other hand went to Church with my Grandparents(on both sides). My father’s family members are avowed Christians.

    Attending UMKC you learn to respect diversity. I was assigned a seat beside a young Transgender person in my communication studies class. He made a speech about not being your “traditional” man. I followed up his speech with my own speech about “where have all the real men gone”. I miss the days where John Wayne, Shaft, Jim Kelly, Bruce Lee were our heroes. Even the empty chair talking to Clint Eastwood is a male hero of mine. Sorry if I offend but in channeling Rodney King I must say “Can’t we all just not get along”.

    I will not force my views on you if you do the same for me. If I do not hate on you, leave my belief in God, Family, and home alone. When I arrive at UMKC everyday. I am still the God fearing man I was when I left my home. I just don’t talk about my beliefs unless I am asked.

    1. RozeBrooks says:
      December 2, 2012 at 11:30 pm

      Vincent, I just wanted to allude to the GLAAD Media Reference Guide and let you know your phrasing choices are grounds alone for negative connotations.
      “Lifestyle (see Offensive Terms to Avoid) Inaccurate term used by anti-gay extremists to denigrate lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender lives. As there is no one straight lifestyle, there is no one lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender lifestyle.”

      Further, no ones children are being “forced” to witness “Steve and Steve” showing public displays of affection. It shows to me a lack of allowing children to understand that love comes in many forms and instilling a close-minded precedent for upcoming generations. This is not a means of aiding the Civil Rights Movement.

      Your implications are that you chose to be a Christian, which I would like to believe isn’t entirely the message you want to portray. Again, the age old argument about homosexuality being a choice is a charged accusation, one in which I strongly attest to being false.

      My next question is “how many people in the UMKC LGBTQIA community have you actually encountered?” Again, your word choice of “flamboyant” is offensive.

      I’m confused as to how this article and the statements you’re making seem to claim that homosexuality and Christianity do not coincide– that anyone who identifies as anything other than a cisgender heterosexual cannot possibly follow a Christian faith. This is not true, I know numerous Christian homosexuals that are strongly invested in their faith.

      And belittling a transgender male and insinuating they do not classify as a male in the same way you do is quite frankly a malicious statement to make.

  3. vcannady says:
    December 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Roze I have known thousands of homosexuals in my lifetime. You did not read my comment in detail you seem to just want to find fault with my comment. I chose my words carefully trying not to offend. It seems that when people call me disabled I should get offend as well because I am not disabled but in the converse I am enabled to complete my life. As far as my Christianity. I also have Native American faith in spirituality, We typically mix both faiths for one belief. My children are in a Christian school and we live 125 miles from KC because I do not believe a man should be kissing another man period. That is my belief.I will not force it on you but in America we believe that we should be allowed to believe what we want to believe. Why must everyone be so sensitive to the LGBT community when there are 1,000,000 African American men in jail. The N word is thrown around for entertainment purposes. Disabled people are call retards. You choose to be whatever you want to be when you have a sexuality choice. We do not chose to be “disabled” or African American it is beyond our control. It is not a lifestyle we chose when we are deaf or blind. Something either biological or trauma happened. In my case it was Trauma. But every person I know at one point chooses to be with a man or a woman. If it happens at puberty it happens. Until Scientist prove that it is a genetic default that I chose to believe you have a choice.

    As for Christians. I know plenty of Gay Christians. They are fine until we get to the story of Soddam and Gamora. In the Old Testiment. and who says that the bible has all of the answers. It was written by men, inspired from God. But for 100′s of years only white men were allowed to read or write, hence my belief in Spiritualism. But until you show me male lions mating with other male lions I will chose to believe that lifestyle is the deciding factor.

    Roze name calling will not solve the problem. I am in no way Malicious towards a Transgender person, you are being accusatory and malicious. Am I wrong to long for the days when men were real men. The days of John Wayne where it was ok to be manly. If Gays and Lesbians would have their way the world would simply disappear for lack of procreation, if scientist did not have a way to artificially inseminate that is. Otherwise men and women together make a child.

    I make no apologies for my beliefs. It is my belief not yours as you make no apologies in your belief. As I have repeatedly mentioned we have a right to believe in what we want to believe. I live 12 miles from Christian Militant and Racist hate groups. 9 years ago they tried to shoot, burn and run me out because my wife is caucasian. I responded in kind. Now they chose to leave me alone.
    http://www.adl.org/learn/ext_us/gayman.asp?xpicked=2&item=gayman
    http://www.rickross.com/groups/israel.html

    Many people do not like me but they know I will not leave because they do not like my family and the future we represent to America. Now it is live and let live. I suggest that you try that. I did not say stop fighting for your beliefs but answering hate with hate is wrong. I do not hate you for your beliefs and values so leave my belief in a higher power alone. I do not let my kids seeing anyone kiss whether it is man and woman or two men or two women. They are kids. As I said if you converted everyone the world to LGBT our world would be doomed or a place of mad scientists creating kids our of a test tube.

  4. kmp43f says:
    December 3, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    The following reply was sent to my inbox, however the system is not allowing me to approve it.

    FROM VINCENT CANNADY:

    Roze I have known thousands of homosexuals in my lifetime. You did not read my comment in detail you seem to just want to find fault with my comment. I chose my words carefully trying not to offend. It seems that when people call me disabled I should get offend as well because I am not disabled but in the converse I am enabled to complete my life. As far as my Christianity. I also have Native American faith in spirituality, We typically mix both faiths for one belief. My children are in a Christian school and we live 125 miles from KC because I do not believe a man should be kissing another man period. That is my belief.I will not force it on you but in America we believe that we should be allowed to believe what we want to believe. Why must everyone be so sensitive to the LGBT community when there are 1,000,000 African American men in jail. The N word is thrown around for entertainment purposes. Disabled people are call retards. You choose to be whatever you want to be when you have a sexuality choice. We do not chose to be “disabled” or African American it is beyond our control. It is not a lifestyle we chose when we are deaf or blind. Something either biological or trauma happened. In my case it was Trauma. But every person I know at one point chooses to be with a man or a woman. If it happens at puberty it happens. Until Scientist prove that it is a genetic default that I chose to believe you have a choice.

    As for Christians. I know plenty of Gay Christians. They are fine until we get to the story of Soddam and Gamora. In the Old Testiment. and who says that the bible has all of the answers. It was written by men, inspired from God. But for 100′s of years only white men were allowed to read or write, hence my belief in Spiritualism. But until you show me male lions mating with other male lions I will chose to believe that lifestyle is the deciding factor.

    Roze name calling will not solve the problem. I am in no way Malicious towards a Transgender person, you are being accusatory and malicious. Am I wrong to long for the days when men were real men. The days of John Wayne where it was ok to be manly. If Gays and Lesbians would have their way the world would simply disappear for lack of procreation, if scientist did not have a way to artificially inseminate that is. Otherwise men and women together make a child.

    I make no apologies for my beliefs. It is my belief not yours as you make no apologies in your belief. As I have repeatedly mentioned we have a right to believe in what we want to believe. I live 12 miles from Christian Militant and Racist hate groups. 9 years ago they tried to shoot, burn and run me out because my wife is caucasian. I responded in kind. Now they chose to leave me alone.
    http://www.adl.org/learn/ext_us/gayman.asp?xpicked=2&item=gayman
    http://www.rickross.com/groups/israel.html

    Many people do not like me but they know I will not leave because they do not like my family and the future we represent to America. Now it is live and let live. I suggest that you try that. I did not say stop fighting for your beliefs but answering hate with hate is wrong. I do not hate you for your beliefs and values so leave my belief in a higher power alone. I do not let my kids seeing anyone kiss whether it is man and woman or two men or two women. They are kids. As I said if you converted everyone the world to LGBT our world would be doomed or a place of mad scientists creating kids our of a test tube.

  5. Nathan Zoschke says:
    December 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    Editor’s note: kmp43f is the article’s author, Kharissa Forte.

  6. HArchambault says:
    December 5, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    I came here to address Kharissa’s letter, but I will address Vincent’s simultaneously.

    First I would like to second Roze’s point that most queer Americans are at least nominally Christian–almost at the same rates as cisgendered heterosexual Americans. The “us” and “them” dichotomy that Kharissa uses is patently false. Denying or minimizing their faith, including denying them the right to join their lives in the eyes of the state and of their God, is an act of derision. It is worth noting that many Judeo-Christian denominations in the United States grant marriages to same sex couples, under that title and in full equality with heterosexual marriages.

    In terms of the state, Kharissa, what you are offering is what has been known in the US as “separate but equal”. This kind of legal provision, in which people were entitled to the same rights, but under different names, proved to be unequivocally unfair and untenable. In 1954, 10 years before the civil rights act, Brown v. the Board of Education found these laws unconstitutional. So your recommendation of a “civil union” would most certainly be found unconstitutional, unless you were to remove marriage from legal status altogether and grant only civil unions.

    Vincent, I appreciate the struggles that black Americans have had. I can never fully understand the kind of subjugation black Americans have never understood, because it is not my experience. Nor is the experience of a differently abled person. However, I do not believe that rights are a zero sum game. By granting queer people the rights that all people are supposed to have, no one else’s rights will be minimized in any way. I will continue to stand up for your struggle, and know that helping to solidify the rights of ALL people is the only path to a truly just system, and hope that some day you will stand up for me. And even if you do not, I will never believe that your rights should be taken away or diminished, through discrimination in the workforce, in housing, in whom you choose to marry, or by the government in the form of either incarceration or diminished state benefits.

    The struggles of queer people, people of color, disabled people, transgendered people, etc are not necessarily comparable but they ARE inherently linked. Oppression of any person or group of people leaves the door open for other kinds of oppression.

    In terms of the choice to be gay, in some ways I agree. I can choose to hide my sexuality if I so choose, but you cannot hide being a black American. There is no point in arguing otherwise. However, I should not have to. I shouldn’t have to justify who I love, which is something I CAN’T choose, and I do not expect any others to justify their quality as human beings against the things inherent in them. Additionally, there are many queer black Americans, and those people are at a particular disadvantage, and they need your support, as a member of their community. I do not take part in the misandry hurled so consistently at African American men and boys here in the United States, and neither do any of my friends. Please don’t hurl homophobia back at us.

    On a lighter note, almost all animals have scientifically documented homosexual behaviors. Here’s a fun list, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior.

    In terms of parenting, here’s a great study that just came out. http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/research/parenting/adolescents-with-lesbian-mothers-describe-their-own-lives/

    Finally, I’d like to address the Chik-fil-a issue. Every time I walk past the Chik-fil-a in the student dining hall it is a quiet reminder that despite being born here, despite having voted in three presidential elections (I missed one!) and many more local elections, despite having worked for the New York City government, despite having dedicated my life and career to helping my fellow Americans, this is not my country. I am not a fully recognized citizen here, because, if I were to want to, I can’t marry my partner, share my healthcare with her and the children we may have, be subject to the same benefits (and otherwise!) that come with the legal right to join myself to another person that heterosexual people have. I remember all the times I’ve been called a dyke on the street, once by a police officer, of the time I had a water balloon full of urine thrown at my feet, of my friends in New York City who’ve been violently attacked for holding hands with boyfriends or girlfriends. Words are powerful. Words are even more powerful when there is money behind them. Chik-fil-a is the money behind those words, and it never gets less scary.




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