Hello, my name is ‘Kasim’ but you can call me ‘tonight’

Kasim Hardaway

Did I gain your attention with the title?

Hopefully I did, it was my intention, I worked really hard on it.

(Actually it was a friend’s Facebook status that I so cleverly snatched).

Unfortunately, I won’t be re-telling tales of my insanely promiscuous sex life as the title hints to, frankly because it doesn’t exist.

However, I will be talking about something just as juicy, that being…college relationships.

Relationships in college are very odd.

Personally I am a very reserved person, so it’s very natural for me to want to be alone.

However, I do have plenty of friends in college who are in relationships that I can learn from. After a while, I started to see distinct differences between some of my friend’s relationships, and I have come up with a classification system for them. I call it CRABS: College Relationships Are BullS#!*.

The Off & On-ers

They’re together and then they aren’t.

They take a break and try to think things out then eventually get back together.

One person gets fed up with the relationship, breaks it off, then somehow pulls the other person back in.

The Off and On-ers come in various ways but they are definitely out there. This relationship classification is the most difficult to be around, especially when they are “off.”

Everyone in their group of friends usually has to choose a side and it just goes downhill from there.

After you have chosen your side you not only have to hear about the relationship from the ‘team captain’ of your team but you are most likely going to get it from the other person in the relationship.

A couple of weeks down the line they’ll be back together, snug and happy, until the cycle repeats itself again and again and again.

For those of you in this situation, make it a bit easier for your friends and try to work it out beforehand. They were probably tired of the off and on thing the third time you did it.

The Married Couple

They meet each other, and it is love at first sight.

The relationship may have been carried over from high school, but it’s not unusual to see it develop in college.

It seems as though they have been together forever, and you can never get them apart. Everyone who knows them assumes they will be getting married directly after college, or may even elope on a whim.

Their relationship may be rocky sometimes but it usually is all “nice and dandy.” References to how many kids they plan to have doesn’t freak them out at all, they welcome it in most cases.

This category conflicts with my belief of college dating, if you are going to date, test the waters.

Why put so much time and effort into a relationship at such a young age?

Do you know how many people are in the world!

However, I still respect those who choose to be in such extensive relationships, where I am in life, I just don’t see why.

The Sleaze

Only the people interested in “getting some” are interested in the Sleaze.

Everyone else doesn’t like him/her and talks trash about them when they are not around. Typically, the Sleaze is easy on the eyes but lacking in the “dome1.” From the word “Sleaze” itself, you can make a pretty accurate assumption of what I associate with the relationship classification: they get around and it’s usually not a secret either.

Don’t feel bad. You think they feel bad about getting around, doubtful.

Obviously, you are well aware that we are capable of making our own choices, it’s called free will and the Sleaze has it, too.

The “Prioritized”

I find the “Prioritized” to be the most common amongst college students and my friends. They’ll date every now and then, have an occasional “hook up2,” usually are single but may be in a relationship for a couple of months but nothing too excessive.

I call it the “Prioritized” because they usually have themselves in mind when they make decisions.

They don’t care much for anything else besides themselves.

Should we call it selfish, no… I rather call it “Prioritized.”

In some cases, their priorities are in good order. They are focused on school and their success as a student.

For that I admire them, but by focusing so much on yourself, it’s easy to get lost.

Where do I fall in these classifications? I would say I am an outlier (lucky way out, right?).

Many of you may also find yourself sharing my stance. These (four) classifications are just a majority of what I see in my circle of friends and the people I have met during my college career.

If you haven’t done so already, the next time you are out with your friends sit back and see where your friends fall, maybe you can come up with your own classification system.

khardaway@unews.com

1 dome: brain, not the other ‘dome,’ ladies and gents.

2 hook up: any intense physical contact.